Suicide & Conversion – are they so far apart?

Kingdom Principle: The size of your spirit correlates to the flow of power through you.

Read an updated version of this post here!

Deuteronomy 18:15-20 Psalm 111 1 Corinthians 8:1-13 Mark 1:21-28

Suicide &  Conversion – Both recognize that life is not worth living in the current state of being. Both have given up the hope that they can do it on their own. Both are willing to die to see what is on the other side…. Below is my story to swallow the realities of my own death.

While I was enjoying the beach on day – Jesus said,  – “Come and Follow me” and off to the water he went. Heading for the water, he did not look back. Following, with excitement the usual shock of the cold water did not set in – rather we began swimming into the waves. At about 50 yards out, he looked back again at me and said, “Follow me”.  Before I could respond – He dove beneath the water. At about 10 feet below he began to point out many beautiful things – I wanted to stay there with him, but had to return to the surface for air. He did not follow me – so I quickly took a breath and returned. This repeated for an hour – down for 2 minutes at a time, returning to breath then to dive again –  until so exhausted I could barely returned to shore. When arrived there, Jesus was waiting for me on the beach.

The next day – I returned and Jesus said, Follow me – and we went to the same spot, this time I came prepared with goggles, fins, and snorkeling gear – I saw others out there doing the same – when we reached the spot again – this time I was prepared to hover on the surface, but this time he went to deeper, and my emotions switched from enjoyment to fear, and Jesus clearly said at 15 feet – Follow me.  So did and holding my breath – until I was about to die – I followed – until at the very last moment, I could hardly imagine – I rose to the surface and immediately returned to shore.  Exhausted, Feeling like a failure and disappointed I decided that Jesus was asking too much of me. Yet then it came to me that if I learn to SCUBA – I could spend more time with Jesus.

After 6 weeks and lots of money invested I was ready to go back to swim with Jesus. I returned to the spot, where I had last swam with Jesus, but Jesus was not there.  I decided that since I worked so hard to get there that I might as well look around.To my great surprise as I began to dive –  there was an entire flock of people SCUBA diving – but no Jesus to be found. No one really talked about that, the focus was on amazing things that could be found.  I learned that many returned to the surface to invite others to the dive, and taught them to SCUBA but rarely did those people ever talk about Jesus or that it was once Jesus that led them to this place. Then one day I discovered that Jesus was hanging out again in about 10 feet of water. Many snorkelers hovered over him,  SCUBA divers looked up at him. I decided to ask Jesus why he was there at 10 feet and not with others – either at the surface or below with the divers– He simply said – Follow me… I said I was ready; and Jesus said good, not take off the SCUBA gear.  I did not object, but I did not understand, Why not that I was ready, was Jesus not leading the way?  Jesus said, Follow me & Drink – with the stoppage of time – we discussed my inability to do this – and he said Drink.  I opened my mouth and it began to be filled with salt water – and as I expected I began to choke and then it happened I died – but instead of floating to the surface, I was given in the most incredible freedom I never imagined –my body transformed and my lugs could breathe under water and Jesus was now off swimming ahead – He showed me the wonders of the sea – and said – you do not need to return to the surface, but I am – so I followed Him.

I realized that I could no longer breath above the water as I could before. But that was okay, because as long as I was with Jesus, he filled my lungs with living water. If I was to wonder from Jesus, now I had to hold my breath above water… life would never be the same – I had a choice to make. Return to the sea, walk on earth only where Jesus leads, or now attempt to return to life as I once knew it only to die again…. the choice was easy and the burden was light.

I if the Lord mysterious deposited 100 gallons worth of wisdom, insight, love and power in you, that in some way that you were then required to release/spread – How large of “spout” would you have to work with… Imagine pressing 100 gallons through a baby bottle or dropper verses a fire hose.  There are many ways the church tries to increase your “spout”, here I wanted to challenge us in allowing God to get things (even 1 gallon worth) inside of us. You can have a fire hose of a spout, but be dry as a desert.   The metaphor helps me to better understand what it means to live for the Kingdom and the very challenge that it poses to Christians and why more don’t have a Kingdom Perspective inside of them.  This story represents the power of the body and mind to keep you from following Jesus, and the way in which many have created ways do the actions of following Jesus – without really following.

The Church in general  – loves to swim close to the shore in no more than 10 feet of water.  There are many who have found ways to make it possible to swim with Jesus – snorkeling, SCUBA, air lines from boats, holding one’s breath for minutes at a time…. all in vain to truly be with Jesus.  The church has offered swimming classes and built huts by the shore, but in reality very few ever enter the water – for to enter the water is to embrace disappointment – In order for me to follow Jesus – I must be willing to die  – the absurdity of swallowing salt water as the way to find life.

Stepping into the water (of baptism) is to have the complete and wonderful opportunity to swim with Jesus. We must learn to swim, to play in the water  and enjoy the feel of the sun – but the call is to leave the shore and swim to the depths –

Questions to from the Scriptures:

  1. How do you know the difference between your voice, and the Lord’s voice? And What if your voice has three difference tones – your Spirit, your Body, and your Soul?
  2. How does your body control you?  Reactions, headaches, hunger, mental games of fear and rejection…..
  3. If Jesus was to make space for your growth, what do you think would be removed?

About chaplaincasey

In my Community I am a Chaplain, Coach and Catalyst.
This entry was posted in Epiphany, Year B and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Suicide & Conversion – are they so far apart?

  1. Pingback: Lifeboat vs. Loveboat | confrontingchaos

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  3. Pingback: Dare to care less, but not careless | confrontingchaos

  4. Pingback: Pardoned – Life w/o Parole | confrontingchaos

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